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Bamboo River, Selangor, Malaysia
i'm a happy 4feet girl.... slumber... cheer... n friendly.... i like 2 sing, act and hosting like to create songs,poems and story. family,friends and writing are my life....

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Hardest day of my life

i don't know what happen to my parents yesterday
its the most sad and hardest day for me
i have to lied
and hide the truth
to keep both hearts from pains
its like u we're stuck in the middle
i'm not on any sides
but both...urghhhhh really puts me on pressure
its not that i don't love my dad
but sometimes
he needs to put his ego away and
think about the others
my step mum suddenly not in a good health
i rush back to her house after i just few minutes cameback from her house
we're having break fast together yesterday
my dad....i don't know whats get into him
i called his cellphone for almost 100times
he did't answer
i was worried something could happen to him
and he did't answer just because i was with my step mum
i have to lied to my step mum why my dad don't want to pick up the phones because don't want her to be sad
too many tears drops to my cheeks
people saying bad things about my dad
people might blame my dad because he's like....i don't know how to say this
if i tell ya' u might think of something else
maybe i just gonna zipped it and dive it into my tears
why should i shared it?
nobody cares
let me live on my own silent fake world heart can't stop crying and already used to felt the pains all the time

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

How can we be 'friend' like we used to???

kinda weird.....awkward..
how can we be 'normal
 just like before
i lost my bestfriend
maybe i should just give more time for him
if he can't forgive me...
its up to him
i wanna us to be just like before
i shouldn't know his brother at the first place
just pray that we're gonna be fine just like the way we used to

I don't want to remember!!!

whatever Zhariff Azman...

I got a Family =')

my tire flats
and now its even worst!!
thank god its flats at the right place and right time
right at infront workshop and nearby my friend's house
well...yesterday i break fast at my friend house,Ain....

theres her family and also Haziq
its was awesomeeee
they always care me like their own family
especially her mom...
thank u so much for everything =')
my step mum also loves me so much
when i got home there's 'Asam Pedas Ikan Pari'!!!
my step mum cooked it for me
actually///i don't really like that fish
and i'm not a stingray fans
but....after she cooked that dish
it becames one of my fav dish
thank u untie

this is my beloved carrrrr
why i loved it so much although its kinda old car for the other
i loved it because
everytime i drive it
its felt like my mum was there
yes...this car means a lot to me
although its old...broken and so on
i'm gonna keep it and love it
theres like an angel that always protect me when i'm driving this car
i crash,slept while driving at the end...alhamdullilah i am fine =)

Monday, July 22, 2013

hair hair hair

Hyuna and Agnes Monica
i really adore both of them!!!
they got the most wonderful hair yawl
i've kept a long hair like them once ago
till i decided to cut it bcuz STRESS with some morons
i really jealous with them
they got the most wonderful hair of all
hope that my hair will grow and flawless awesome like before
sorry mama cut ya' before this

sorry my english kinda slumber horrible
i'm american blood
of coz my english a bit different
don't need to care much about ur grammar
its about rhymes mime easy to understand
if u could understand what i'm sayin' talkin' and typin'
i like typin' with rhymes...its fun...thahahahahha

We're stranger with different stories but same problems

This is Ayu...
who is she??
yeahhhh this is MsStranger that i told u before
we are stranger with different stories but have some similarities that u won't believe
we're being in love lied by a same guy
and now we're friend!!
she was so nice to me
we shared everything
oh myyy
before this its so hard to get through her
but...i embrace my self to find the truth to tell her the truth
we shared everything like we already know each other for a long time
thank u for being my friend and and thank u for all your advice
u really motivate me
yeah i've should keep listen to ya
i'm older than her
but she's the one that keep giving me good advice's
thank u so much Ayu...i will appreciate our friendship XD

PS: sorry i've stole ur picture babe...hahahahhahaha

i'm not Cinderella

try to close my eyes and forget everything
for the first time
i'm hurting other people and hurts my self
i don't know if it does give an effect to that person
but i think i've tried to be honest
my heart crying its already over
i'm not afraid of loosing that person
just yesterday
like its already over the edge
i'm trying to be nice
i trying to be patience
it just useless
even that person know that i am not in a good health
they just act dumb and not even care
Thank u so much

finally...i ignore the friendship the relationship that we had
i have to said what i have to said
its kinda sad
and....i don't know why i'm so afraid
maybe because that person already 'buy' my soul 'own' my heart 'touch' my love
i don't know
i don't know
but its kinda sad
that person like thinking i'm so cheap
i don't know...
sometimes my depression makes me wanna make a decision that...suicide is the best decision
lots of man hurts my dignity
i have black memories since i was little
i like to kept everything
who wants to share something that very embarrassing in your life?
i keep crying
don't no where to share everything
why sometimes i hate man?
cuz when i was 6years old...i have an uncle that
he almost wanna rape me
can u imagine??
at that time i was 6 years old
yeahhhh he tried so hard want me to 'sleep' with him
i never told this to my parents because he threat me he will hurts me
as i grow older
i hate him so much
i hate him!!!
then...i've met a lot of guys that very similar like my uncle
u guys never loved me for who i am
who am i in your eyes?
a bitch??
my hearts crying...why isn't there a man who sees me for who i am?
not craving for my body
this is honestly from me
i never met a guy that loved me for who i am
am i not deserve for a right guy?
am i just a game?

Sunday, July 21, 2013

i miss her so much

i've should't post this
i don't know
i missed her so much
she's the most wonderful friend u will ever had
Allah loves her more...
its already July and thats mean
its already 7month she leaves us
Al-Fatihah for Almarhumah Siti Fatimah Kamaruddin
she always there when i need her
she's the one that will remember my birthday
she's my 1st college friend
i still can't believe she already gone?
everytime i remember her
my tears will drops
cuz she means a lot to me
she have so many wonderful moments together
Love u and miss u so much Siti...=')

i just wanna throwback our memories
so i've looked my fb inbox
and i saw that...last time.i've chat with her is a month before she passed away
and i've read the previous messages also
we're sharing so much stories and sometimes
i did't reply and so on
well...i really miss her
miss her so much

Saturday, July 20, 2013

True Friend....the awesome of 7years

He is my best friend everrrrrr
yeaterday was so awesome
he brought me to see the most wonderful view of KL
and other things that i saw
his true friendship
thank u for everything dude
he thought me so many things
and even thought me whats right and wrong in life
thank u so much for the last night
last night
many things happens to us
oh my...
the tire broke at middle of highway
he ask me not to go out from the car
but i don't wanna let him stay outside alone
repairing the flat tire
i impress on his effort trying to help me out
he said 'he will always be there when i needs him'
and i ask...' what if i couldn't be there when he needs me?'
he said its ok for him because he knows me better
i never liked him more than a friend
but i am so adore on how he cares so much about people that around him
even my family also liked him so much
Thank u Ruhi for everything
because of him
i have encouragement to let go the person that i think i love him but actually i just afraid to loose him

Thursday, July 18, 2013

After 2 years??is it really you??

yesterday i suprisely got bbm from someone that i have WAITED for almost 2 YEARS
and after i've lost all the feelings towards him
does he really really 'comeback'??
i don't think so
maybe that is other person
who knows....
if its real he is coming back
i son't know whether i should be happy or not what i've been waited for long time is really worth it
but isn't too late?
yeahhh i've been waiting the moment u will 'comeback'
i've been waiting that 'word' u will be say it again to me
will it be a hope or hopeless??
yes honestly i still love u so much
but after 2 years...i don't think we could be like before again
and the bbm...makes me hard to believe
is it really u the one who type it  and send it or not?
are u honest about it or not?
is it real or not?
if u just playing around means u r playing around with my heart as well....
please don't make fun of it
u know how hard for me to forget about u for 2years??
although i've been in so many relationship with other guy after u
i still thinking and remembering u all the time
we're still friends thats already makes me happy although its hard for me seeing u r are happy with other girl in your life

i miss my BFF..Sorry~~~ ='(

ain please don't get it wrong when u read this
just honestly from me
yeahhhh i miss this guy
my bff....
how ever our misunderstand and i'm stupidly fall in love with his brother makes our relationship cracks like eggs that drops from the sky(*what am i merepeks)
i really want to say sorry to him and also my bff Ain for doing stupid thing few days ago
i've should listen to both of ya'
during that day....
i tried to avoid him but i don't stupidness kindness and too care about others makes me doing stupid thing
i'm really sorry to both of u...
i don't know how to make up again with both of ya'
this time i really ruin everything
yeahh i miss us arguing
saying bad things
sharing everything seems like the silentness gonna takes a longgggggggggggg-term isn't haziq?
this is like for the 1000 times i make u mad at me
i'm really sorry dude....
i'm not really like ur brother that day i think could be best day for my evil plan but then....duhhhhh i've ruin it
i've miss to fight and argue with u again dude....
but it seems like theres no forgiveness space for me

Stupid girl met with a stupid guy (ZA)

i've should listen to ayu
i've should't being too nice to him
it's not that i still love him
i just afraid...
i don't know
but....we're done a lot of 'mistakes' that makes me....afraid
its hard to explain
i've should't know him at the first place
i've should't met him
i've should listen to my bestfriend\
i don't know why is it too hard for me to get away from everything
i've enter the dangerous zone of the game
at first i'm thinking of revenge
its getting tough and rough and sometimes i felt like
i don't know what should i done next
maybe next time i should't repeat my mistakes anymore
he is no one
if he really loves me
he wants my heart but not 'me'

the game is getting harder and worst
i've played in the wrong way
just pray that nothing gonna happen...amin..
to ayu...i'm really really sorry
i don't love him anymore no no no no

i don't know wwhy i'm being nice to him againnnnnn
i'm so stupid!!!
i hate my self

Monday, July 8, 2013


few days ago finally!!!!
the person that i wanna talk so much at last i can get through her
no no no!!!!
i'm not change to lesby lorhhhh
she's also the one of the victim of someone that u know who
we're become bestfriend now
(not really close because we're still not meet each other yet)
we're talking to each other like we're already known for so many yearssss
she so nice to me
but she actually younger from me

she motivate me a lot on what i should and shouldn't do
i misunderstand about her before this
i thought she's really firm and so on
but actually she's a nice girl
she's surely the right person i need to talk with
what's her name??
maybe next time i'll tell ya

misunderstand...i know my fault.... =(

my blog almost reach its 3years anniversary!!!!
just left another few weeks right??
love u bloggie
now i'm not recently update my post like previous years
kinda busy lately with assignment
presentation and so on
before that

please be nice ok...
many things happen on the early July...
don't know where to start
last wednesday i've made big mistakes
i did't manage my promises, appointments and so on with my bff, my ex and stranger...
if u know me well
u know that i'm too....nice to people and sometimes
i'm busy taking care of the others than taking care of my self
kinda bit chaotic on that wedenesday
someone ask me to accompany them for mv shoot
someone ask to accompany to times square
someone ask me to lift him home
someone wanna meet me
headache to death
and at the end i have to broke well... 3 hearts actually to fulfill the 2 promises
and lie a bit
and not giving explanation
how can i give explanation when misunderstand might come out and the secrets gonna blow off and u won't listen to it it might sound crap~~~~
i don't want that to be happen
so...let me just save the pains by my self
i know....some of ya mad at me
what can i do
u might says i'm making a story....
what to do
that's the natural isn't it
i'm doing stupid thing...yeahhhhh
i admit it
i might says okay when deep inside everything changes

i hope the 'crisis' won't be so long...up to ya what to do
but i think this gonna took long time to be recovered and won't be the same
if....u guys wanna mad at me and so on...
up to ya'
i can't stop it anyway
maybe that's the right thing to do
i'm not supposedly being label as 'good friend'
human makes mistakes
whether u wanna forgive them or not
my weakness is i know that i like to do something without thinking it wisely
but sometimes i wanna do what i wanna do cuz everything i do there's a reason
i know when u read this u gonna be mad to death...
cuz there's an explanation that u don't wanna listen
i know i shouldn't be friend with him anymore he is not my boyfriend and he being mean to me
that day hurts me too actually
not just that day...previous previous days
i just i don't wanna say it and don't wanna loose everything
many secrets i've being kept deep inside me and smile like nothing is happen
i always pray that i've got amnesia so i will forget everything and live like a new born baby that knows nothing or be a robot that don't have feelings
i don't know how to express it
but many things changes just some of ya' didn't see it
so...for those that i've hurt so much...
i'm sorry to what i've done
u wanna forgive me or not...up to ya'
just do what best for ya'
and....its being a wonderful moments